the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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