Just cropdusted the office
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The power of my boobs compel you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
