They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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