pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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