Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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