i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
