booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
