My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Damn victory sex feels great
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
