i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
