How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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