can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's get the cat blown out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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