When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
