I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Come see our sink grown plant.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
