He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
