Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
