four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
