and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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