I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
