i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
