the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
