Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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