You just made me feel so damn special
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
