i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
