I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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