she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
