tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
