I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
