I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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