I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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