OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
