You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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