what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
