All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
