Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
