I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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