Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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