I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
