I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
