Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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