I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
