i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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