Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
