No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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