Can Purell be used as lube?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
