Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
