wat bout pragnant strippers??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
