I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
