What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
