you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
