They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
