she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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